\u2026nearly fainted because I was sitting comfortably in the driver\u2019s seat of my beloved, reliable SUV, sipping a latte and watching a heavy-duty tow truck winch his pristine, midnight-blue sports coupe onto a flatbed.<\/p>\n
Standing next to my SUV was a very polite process server holding a thick manila envelope.<\/p>\n
You see, when I smiled and kept quiet, I wasn’t submitting; I was calculating. My visit to the lawyer had been incredibly productive. Because my husband, Greg, had drained our joint savings to purchase a solo asset\u2014and did so by forging my signature on the withdrawal authorization\u2014my attorney was able to file an emergency injunction for the dissipation of marital assets. We immediately froze the accounts and stopped the wire transfer to the dealership before it fully cleared.<\/p>\n
As for my SUV? I had paid a little visit to his brother, Tom, the day before. Unlike Greg, Tom is actually a decent guy. When I told him that Greg hadn’t “surprised me with a brand-new hybrid” like he claimed, and had instead left me with a rusty death trap while draining our savings, Tom was disgusted. He handed the keys back immediately, voided the bogus bill of sale, and told me he’d deal with his brother later.<\/p>\n
“What is going on?!” Greg shrieked, dropping his expensive leather briefcase onto the driveway. He lunged toward the tow truck driver. “Hey! Put that down! That’s my car!”<\/p>\n
“Actually, sir, the dealership canceled the contract due to insufficient funds,” the driver said, looking at a clipboard. “I’m just taking it back to the lot.”<\/p>\n
“Insufficient funds? I wired eighty grand!” Greg spun around, his face purple, and finally noticed me rolling down the window of my SUV.<\/p>\n
“The joint accounts are frozen, Greg,” I said smoothly, my voice barely carrying over the idling diesel engine of the tow truck. “Pending the divorce proceedings.”<\/p>\n
“Divorce?!”<\/p>\n
Right on cue, the process server stepped forward. “Greg Miller? You’ve been served.” He tapped the thick envelope against Greg’s chest, let it drop into his hands, and walked back to his own vehicle.<\/p>\n
Greg stood frozen in the driveway, clutching the divorce papers, watching his luxury status symbol get hauled down the street. He looked at me, then down at the driveway. The only vehicle left for him to get to work was the rusted, sputtering 15-year-old sedan he had tossed me the keys to two days prior.<\/p>\n
“You’re the breadwinner, Greg,” I smiled, echoing his exact words. “You better get to work. Don’t want to be late.”<\/p>\n
I rolled up my window, put my SUV in drive, and left him standing in a cloud of exhaust.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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