…goofy, reflection-fearing golden retriever was standing perfectly upright on his hind legs, wearing a sleek, metallic collar that was definitely not his usual blue nylon one. He was staring intensely at a massive, holographic projection of the neighborhood map, which was floating in mid-air and emitting the strange blue light.<\/p>\n
But that wasn’t what made me drop the umbrella.<\/p>\n
Gathered around Buster were three raccoons, the notoriously mean neighborhood stray cat, and a very focused-looking possum. Buster was pointing a paw at a blinking red dot on the projection\u2014the exact location of Mrs. Higgins’ supposedly empty garden shed.<\/p>\n
When the basement door creaked, the entire room froze.<\/p>\n
Buster slowly turned his head. His eyes, usually filled with nothing but pure, unadulterated dopey love, were sharp, calculated, and entirely too intelligent. We stared at each other in an agonizing, heavy silence.<\/p>\n
Then, with the smooth, practiced transition of a seasoned deep-cover agent, Buster dropped back down to all fours. The blue hologram instantly vanished, plunging the basement into darkness.<\/p>\n
The lights flickered on. Buster let out a loud, goofy boof, grabbed a moldy tennis ball from under the stairs, and trotted over to me. He aggressively wagged his tail, panting happily as if he hadn’t just been briefing a tactical strike team of woodland creatures.<\/p>\n
The cat rolled its eyes and vaulted out the tiny basement window. The raccoons scattered seamlessly into the shadows. The possum simply played dead.<\/p>\n
I slowly reached out and took the slimy tennis ball from his mouth. “Good… good boy?” I whispered, my voice trembling.<\/p>\n
Buster just smiled his big, dopey golden retriever smile and gave my hand a sloppy lick. But as I turned to walk back up the stairs, my legs feeling like lead, I heard a distinct, mechanical click from his new collar. A quiet, synthesized voice chimed from the device:<\/p>\n
\u201cCivilian interference detected. Operation Garden Gnome temporarily suspended.\u201d Buster trotted past me up the stairs, tail wagging, ready for his dinner. I haven’t slept a wink since.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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