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<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
I knew it was going to be a bad flight the moment I saw the woman sitting next to me. She was HUGE! How on earth was I going to travel comfortably with her sitting there? As she buckled her seat belt, her elbow jabbed at me.
\n\u201cWatch it!\u201d I yelled angrily.
\n\u201cOh, I\u2019m so sorry,\u201d she cried. \u201cPlease excuse me\u2026\u201d
\n\u201cExcuse you?\u201d I asked mockingly. \u201cOr excuse the 3,000 doughnuts you ate to get to that size?\u201d She gasped in shock. She looked pretty young, with a sweet, weak face. It only encouraged me to sneer, \u201cLady, when you travel you need to book TWO seats!\u201d
\nHer eyes filled with tears, but I was on a roll. I noticed her clothes were cheap and old-fashioned; her shoes were very worn. \u201cI guess your whole budget goes on nachos and hot dogs, right? So you can\u2019t afford two seats? Next time pass the hat, I\u2019m sure your fellow passengers will be generous!\u201d<\/p>\n
She turned to the window, and in the reflection, I saw tears running down her cheeks. \u201cListen,\u201d I said. \u201cI have a friend who runs a clinic in Mexico. I\u2019m sure he\u2019d give you a liposuction mucho cheapo!\u201d<\/p>\n
Sobs shook her shoulders by the time I felt repaid for the discomfort of being squeezed in next to her soft bulk. When the attendant came with the drinks cart, I asked for a Martini. \u201cShaken, not stirred!\u201d I told her in my best James Bond voice. \u201cI don\u2019t know what Moby Dick here will drink\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
The attendant pressed her lips together and threw me a disapproving glance. \u201cMa\u2019am, would you like anything to drink?\u201d she asked the woman.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes please, a diet Coke.\u201d<\/p>\n
I scoffed. \u201cDon\u2019t you think it\u2019s a bit late for a diet Coke?\u201d They both ignored me, but I felt a little glow realizing I\u2019d upset them.<\/p>\n
I lay back, sipping my Martini while she sipped her Coke. Soon, the attendant brought dinner. She set a tray in front of me and another in front of my neighbor. \u201cAre you sure that will be enough?\u201d I asked. \u201cBecause I think it would take a village to feed this lady!\u201d<\/p>\n
The attendant ignored me again. \u201cThat was rude of her, wasn\u2019t it?\u201d I asked the woman. \u201cI think I\u2019ll complain about her.\u201d She ignored me too. I was sipping the last of my wine when the flight attendant came back, all smiles.<\/p>\n
\u201cExcuse me,\u201d she said. \u201cThe captain is a huge fan, and he\u2019d love to invite you up to the cockpit?\u201d<\/p>\n
I was startled, then realized she was talking to the big woman next to me. She was blushing and nodding. I had to get up to let her by. I sat back down, mentally composing rants to send to management about the service.<\/p>\n
Then the captain\u2019s voice came over the speakers: \u201cLadies and gentlemen. We have a celebrity among us! If you are fans of \u2018I Love Opera\u2019 like me, you will recognize the voice!\u201d<\/p>\n
A lovely voice filled the cabin, singing a famous aria. The passengers started clapping excitedly. \u201cThat\u2019s right!\u201d the captain said. \u201cIt\u2019s the lovely Miss Allison Jones, and she\u2019s flying with us to do a charity concert for world hunger!\u201d<\/p>\n
The plane erupted into applause. I cringed. The flight attendant came over. \u201cListen up, buster,\u201d she said coldly. \u201cI don\u2019t care how many millions you have, if you upset that girl again, I\u2019m putting you in economy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d I mumbled.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s not me you have to apologize to!\u201d<\/p>\n
A while later, Allison Jones was back, signing autographs. I jumped to my feet to let her take her seat. \u201cListen,\u201d I said with my most charming smile. \u201cI\u2019m sorry if I was a little rude, I had no idea who you were!\u201d<\/p>\n
Allison turned to me. She had the most beautiful eyes. \u201cIt doesn\u2019t matter who I am. You shouldn\u2019t treat people like that, EVER! And besides, you\u2019re not sorry. Would you even be apologizing if I wasn\u2019t semi-famous? You know, I can\u2019t help my weight, but you can change your attitude. Stop judging people.\u201d<\/p>\n
I shut my mouth and sank into my seat. I didn\u2019t say another word until we landed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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