My heart stopped. That’s where my older brother, David, is buried. He passed away two years ago in a car accident. He and my son, Jake, had been inseparable—David was the father figure Jake looked up to before I met my current husband.
I sped to the cemetery, my hands shaking on the wheel. When I pulled up to the gates, I saw our car parked with the headlights cutting through the dark, pointing toward the hill where David’s headstone stood.
I jumped out and ran up the grassy slope. As I got closer, I slowed down.
My husband was sitting on the ground, his back against a tree. My son was curled up in his lap, sobbing so hard his little shoulders were shaking.
I hid behind the large oak tree nearby and listened.
“I’m sorry, Dad,” Jake cried. “I didn’t mean to sneak out. I just… I couldn’t sleep.”
“It’s okay, buddy,” my husband said softly, stroking Jake’s hair. “But why didn’t you tell Mom? Why have you been pushing her away?”
Jake’s answer tore my heart in two.
“Because she’s finally happy,” Jake choked out. “She finally stopped crying over Uncle David. If I told her that I’m forgetting his voice… or that I miss him so much it hurts my stomach… she’d be sad again. I didn’t want to ruin her happiness. So I just stopped talking.”
I covered my mouth to stifle a sob. The slipping grades, the silence, the shutting me out—he was trying to protect me. He was carrying all that grief alone because he didn’t want to break my heart again.
My husband held him tighter. “Jake, listen to me. You don’t have to protect Mom. She’s your mom. And she loves you. And I’m here too. We carry the heavy stuff together, okay? You never have to do this alone.”
“I just miss him,” Jake whispered.
“I know,” my husband said. “And it’s okay to miss him. It’s okay to be sad.”
I stepped out from behind the tree. Both of them looked up. My husband’s eyes were kind, and Jake looked terrified that he was in trouble.
I didn’t say a word. I just walked over, fell to my knees in the wet grass, and wrapped my arms around both of them. We sat there in the dark for an hour, crying and talking about David.
