
I ran to him. and OMG. he was BLUE.
Literally. BLUE.
Daniel was standing in the shower, staring at his hands, his chest, and his face in the mirror. His skin was stained a deep, vibrant Smurf-blue. He looked like he was holding back tears of pure rage.
Behind me, Linda came trotting down the hall in her silk robe, holding a cup of coffee. “What on earth is all theâ oh! Daniel! You found it!”
Daniel turned slowly. His eyes were wide. “Found… what, Mom?”
“My special toning shampoo!” she chirped, completely unbothered by the fact that her son looked like a cartoon character. “I consolidated the bottles in the shower to make room for my exfoliating scrubs. I poured that boring body wash of yours down the drain and filled the bottle with my purple toning concentrate. It gets rid of brassy tones! Though… you are supposed to rinse it off immediately. Did you let it sit?”
The silence that followed was deafening.
My husband, the man who had told me to “be patient,” the man who told me I was “overreacting” when she threw out our wedding photos, was now vibrating with anger.
“You… you poured out my soap… and replaced it with hair dye… without telling me?” Danielâs voice cracked. “Mom, I have a presentation with the Regional Director in an hour. IN AN HOUR.“
“Well, don’t look at me like that!” Linda scoffed, clutching her pearls. “I was organizing! This house was a mess before I got here. You should be thanking me for decluttering that shower caddy!”
That was the moment. The switch flipped.
Daniel didn’t look at her. He looked at me. He looked at the half-empty jar of my expensive cream on the counter. He looked at the closet where strangers had rummaged through my clothes. And finally, he looked at his own blue hands.
He walked past me, grabbed his phone, and dialed a number on speaker.
“Hi, Uncle Jerry?” Daniel said, his voice deadly calm. “Yeah. Momâs coming to stay with you. No, not for a week. Indefinitely. Her pipe is fixed? Great. Sheâs still coming to you. Sheâll be there in twenty minutes.”
He hung up.
Linda gasped. “Daniel! You can’t be serious! Over a little soap?”
“Itâs not soap, Mom,” Daniel roared, making her jump. “Itâs the lack of respect. You invaded my wifeâs space, you stole her things, and I let it slide because I wanted to be a ‘good son.’ But the second you decided you had the right to ‘organize’ my body without my permission? We are done. Pack your bags. Now.”
I had never found my blue husband more attractive than I did in that moment.
By noon, Linda was gone. By 1:00 PM, Daniel had called in sick to scrub his skin with lemon juice and baking soda. By dinner time, we were sitting on the couch, eating pizza in a messy, disorganized, peaceful living room.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, scrubbing at a blue patch on his neck. “I should have listened when she took your cream.”
“It’s okay,” I smiled, handing him a slice. “But just so you know? You’re buying me a new jar.”
He laughed. “Deal.”