My SIL, Mandy, texted me at noon: “Hey! Emergency. Can you grab the kids from school? Just til I finish something.”
Cool, no problem. Grabbed them, got snacks, assumed she’d pick them up after dinner.
Hours pass. Nothing.
Finally, I call my husband, and I hear airport announcements in the background.
Him: “Oh! We’re boarding now. Mexico! Mandy needed a break. Back in a week. Thanks for watching the kids!”
They literally booked a vacation, waited till they were AT THE AIRPORT to tell me I’m now a full-time babysitter. For. A. Week.
A few days later…
Me: School drop-offs, homework, dinner, bedtime, chaos. Pay on Insta: “Much needed R&R!”
But don’t worry. I had a plan.
Day four, they FaceTime me from the beach, FURIOUS, screaming: “WHAT DID YOU DO ?! We can’t pay for anything! The hotel is threatening to kick us out!”
I took a slow sip of my coffee and smiled. “Oh, that? Well, since my husband never told me he was traveling internationally, when I saw thousands of dollars in charges popping up in Mexico, I naturally assumed our identity had been stolen. So, I called the bank and reported it all as severe fraud.”
Him: “ARE YOU CRAZY?! UNFREEZE IT! WE ARE STRANDED!”
Me: “I can’t. They locked the joint accounts pending a full investigation. It takes 7-10 business days. You’ll have to sort that out when you get back.”
Mandy chimed in, panic in her eyes: “But how are we supposed to get home?! And who is watching my kids if you’re on the phone?!”
Me: “Oh, don’t worry about the kids. I realized I needed a break too. So I dropped them off at your mother’s house this morning.”
Silence. They both went pale. Mandy’s mom is… difficult.
Me: “I showed her your Instagram stories. I told her you guys lied to me, abandoned the kids, and ran off to party. She was very interested to hear that. She’s waiting for your call. Actually, I think she’s looking up flights to come down there and ‘have a talk’ with you both.”
I didn’t wait for their response. I hung up.
Then, I turned off my phone, poured a glass of wine, and enjoyed the silence of my empty house.
They came back 24 hours later, broke, sunburned, and grounded by their mother.
Best vacation I never took.
